One day, a friend told me that having children young would mean completely giving up my own life. They said that I should “live my life” before choosing to have children. That brings me to the question: what does “living life” really mean?

Some people see their future in a big house with children’s laughter echoing down the hallway. Others see a passport brimming with stamps, a life filled with independence, and a fulfilling career before they even think of having children.

Neither is the wrong choice, and they are not necessarily mutually exclusive. We must stop pretending there is only one correct path in life.

As Sofia Vorobei wrote in a recent article for Harbingers’ Magazine, parenthood is increasingly becoming a choice rather than an expectation for Gen Z.

For many young people, waiting to have children makes sense. Graduating from university, finding the right partner, travelling and becoming financially independent can all feel like milestones to reach before becoming a parent. It’s completely understandable, but why do we treat travelling and building a career as “experiencing adulthood”, but not raising a family?

The age at which women first become mothers has been on the rise since the 1970s. According to UK government data, in 1990, women in England and Wales had their first child at an average age of 25.5 years. In 2020, that age had risen to 29, an increase of almost four years in three decades.

Having adequate finances also shapes whether young people feel able to start a family. In Switzerland, where I live, having children is expensive. A two-child family can face net childcare costs equivalent to 35% of average earnings after benefits and tax, according to the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD).

For some women, then, the question may not be “Do I really want to have children young?,” but “Can I afford to give them the stable lives they deserve?”

I understand why many women do not want to become young mothers. Parenthood is an enormous responsibility that requires sacrifices in one’s social life, ability to travel and sense of spontaneity.

It also isn’t simply about wanting to have a baby: it’s about having emotional maturity, financial stability and an adequate support network. As the saying goes, “it takes a village to raise a child.”

Nonetheless, I do not believe that being young automatically makes someone incapable of being a good parent.

 

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For me, one attraction of becoming a young mother is the idea of growing alongside my children and having the energy to share more of their lives with them. I also don’t think you need to have everything in your life figured out before becoming a mother. Parenthood itself requires you to learn and adapt as your children grow.